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Jen’s computer is psychotic.

Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.”
-Kristian Wilson,
Nintendo Inc. 1989.
[quote from the profile of maximumace]

and maybe I resent being changed. If I’m going to change, I change on my terms. why should I for any other reason?

I look at this person now, and I see myself about a year ago, when I lost sight of what generous love entails. I had become possessive and petty, this whole other animal that came out of me because I was scared and insecure. I started trying to base my love on tokens of love, and not seeing it for what it was. but tokens aren’t anything.. just scraps of paper, or long distance conversations. you can’t base a love on bits of paper. you’ve got to base it on the feeling, and that trust that yes, that other person really does care…

but maybe.. when you clearly aren’t connecting, and you can’t love each other in the way they need to be loved.. what happens then? I guess you just have to let it go…?

so yeah, I’m still trying to figure all this out. I don’t know if any of this makes any sense.. I’ve been feeling slightly bare to the world with this blog.. part of me wants to be brutally honest, but then again.. I don’t know who’s reading this… and since I’ve been feeling misunderstood as a person in general, I don’t really expect people to get it from reading this blog anyway. -throws arms up in the air.-

so what is love? what’s the way to love someone? do you love them in a way that’s easiest for you, and hope they get it? do you have to change the way you love them so that they understand?

the way I figure… it’s not about how it’s done, but that it is done. it’s the sentiment that’s important… because so much can come into a relationship to beat at it and mess it up, but if two people fundamentally “get” each other, and care about each other, and genuinely want the best for each other, that’s what should be what matters, and that’s what’s eventually going to last through time, through changing circumstances, changing situations. it’s so shaky to base a friendship just on the doing stuff together, on a phone call, on tokens of sentiment instead of the real thing. after a certain point, you come to rely on the tokens, instead of seeing the love for what it really is: love.

oh yeah. a note about the stabbing westward concert. I was really glad I wore boots instead of heels.

oh man, there were sooo many good CDs coming out today. R.E.M., Depeche Mode, Weezer… big day.

so people have been asking me, “pearl! all thes concerts! are you actually going to all of them?)

the resounding answer is “no.” Stabbing Westward happened, although it almost didn’t. Weezer didn’t happen since you had to be in the first 250 people getting the new CD at Tower in Hollywood to be able to get into the free show. And since Weezer fans are reputed to be quite crazy, Amy and I came to the decision that we liked Weezer, but we were not crazy enough fans to try to get into that crowd.

Oh, and Idlewild! They’re actually playing tonight at the Palace, and while I won’t see them tonight, I was able to see them perform a very short acoustic show at Westwood Plaza this afternoon. Man, they’re good. they played a slow version of Roseability I didn’t really like, but other songs like These Wooden Ideas and Little Discourage worked well. Just 5 songs! I’d so like to go tonight. -snaps fingers.- oh yeah, and I got my CD and 2 posters signed. =) I also got some pics with them, which I will throw online as soon as I get them developed. =)

oh yeah, and I updated my concerts page.

Ewan McGregor is now on my desktop. I love him. He’s gorgeous. I got a pic of him from the new movie Moulin Rouge for my desktop and now I can’t get any work done. Here, you can take a look.

Pearl walks by eating a salad.
Jen: God, you’re eating a salad! eww!
Pearl: What? it’s good! we have a lot of salad left! You want some?
Jen: NO! EWW! SALAD! Jen is a carnivore!
Pearl: Well, there’s some ham in here…
Jen: NO. CAR-NI-VORE.

Week 6.

In denial. Really in denial. I looked at my calendar today and realized I am really really screwed. Granted, this isn’t anything really new, but each situation has its own unique appeal in its own twisted way.

First things first: school. I had no idea I’d get so busy this quarter with extracurriculars. I’ve left myself with not enough time to study, and that awful sinking feeling that everything might not get done. -imagine “under pressure” playing in the background…-

… speaking of under pressure, I went to spring sing on friday night!! had a wonderful time — awaken a capella was awesome (as they always are), and some of the solo acts were really remarkable. I LOVE RICHEY LAM! Richey, if you read this, I WANT TO HAVE YOUR LOVE CHILD!!

hehehe. yes, they guy had a great act. :)

the rest of the weekend was busy as well. Kelvin came up from San Diego for a badminton tourney, and came by to visit me after he finished his matches. it was a good afternoon munching on nutella and banana crepes (mm.. nutella… and crepes!!) and catching up on old times. then we headed down to Ackerman to play DDR!!!! AAAAAAAAH!!! sooooo much fun!! my legs were soo tired by the end though. I swear, I blew about $7 on the game. not a bad deal.. that was what, 28 songs? toward the end I started getting toward doing spiffy tricks and spins. :) maybe one day I’ll be as good as masa~!! :D

Sunday was Fan Nation, a concert I was not supposed to go to, but ended up going to anyway. I keep forgetting how awesome the Counting Crows on!! I know, you’re probably shaking your head going, “Counting Crows? whaaat? their songs are all depressing!!” And while that may be true for the records, it hasn’t been true of them in recent years. This was especially true at yesterday’s show, where Adam and company brought a very rock sort of feel to all their tunes. They also performed awesome extended versions of “Rain King” and “Round Here,” with seeming whole songs within those songs, with torrential floods of Adam’s wonderful lyrics spilling out atop the textures and rhythms of Charlie’s wurlitzer, David’s mandolin, Matt’s bass guitar, Dan and Dave’s electric guitars, and Ben’s drumming. Man, I love the Counting Crows!

Uncle Cracker, Eve 6, Billy Ido, the Wallflowers, and Third Eye Blind also performed at Fan Nation, but imho, the Counting Crows gave the best performance, without the help of crazy lights and so forth that 3eb when they rounded up the night. They’re just much much more musically talented than 3eb are. Stephen Jenkins may write a good tune from time to time, but they’re unable to perform it with the virtuoso that CC can.

That’s the thing about live shows: concerts can really bring the songs to life. U2 does it in their shows, as does Counting Crows. The Cure may be good, but their concerts give you as much interaction with the band as would happen if you just listened to the album. The Wallflowers are essentially working off their albums… you appreciate them a little bit more live, but not too much so. I shell out the kind of money I do for U2 and the Counting Crows not just because I like the music they play, but because they are sooo good at making an awesome concert experience. they elevate the art they create in the studio into something sublime.

Ok… so where was I? oh yes! busy weekend, busy quarter! It’s been a great quarter because I’ve gotten to see a lot of friends I haven’t seen in a while, gotten to spend more time with people I care about, and because i’ve been able to get back into doing things. but i’m not doing as well in school as I’d like to be… certainly not doing as well as last quarter, but still better than I’ve been doing in a while. it feels good. :)

Stabbing Westward next monday.. Weezer and Idlewild next tuesday, paper due Tuesday, paper due Friday… oh gosh!! AAAAAAAH!!!!!! Crazy, crazy times. >_

link for you. :)
American Jedi