ok, I’m packing my stuff right now to get ready to go home, and I came to the thrilling realization that I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH STUFF.
and it’s a lot of stuff I don’t need, don’t use, will never look at, and so forth. and I have piles of this stuff all over the place!
makes me reflective on the material nature of our existence. people have feelings. feelings attach to things. things are hard to throw away because one’s attached to them. but what matters? the thing, or the memory? it’s the memory, right?
but memory is faulty. memory has “leaks.” it fails on you sometimes, allowing warm sentiments to slip away into dark abysses. it keeps the bad ones, and lets them malign their ways into your heart. here in los angeles, I’m surrounded by bad memories, and not enough good ones, not so much because good ones haven’t happened here, but just out of faulty memory. even so, I remember good times and find myself sad…
I’m looking forward to going home. home may not be perfect — to this day, it is filled with faulty lessons learned late, with residue of old resentments and slighted feelings.. but it is still home. it is my family, my friends, my bed, and a piece of my heart. going home is relief for me, a respite away from this driving mad LA world. it is calm and discipline and normalcy… or as normal as it gets with my family anyway.
so I’m looking forward to going home. I’m looking forward to spending time with old friends, and indulging in stuff as simple as ice cream sundaes and bowling a good frame. :)
