Category: Uncategorized

dammit, it’s 4:30am.. and I HAVE TO DO MY HISTORY PAPER!!! AARGH!!!

at any rate, I had an awesome weekend. went to pledge project for alpha phi omega in the santa monica mountains from friday to sunday morning. went with tim to see dave chapelle at the improv in irvine saturday night. went to houston’s in irvine afterward for dinner and had really delicious pork chops. we renting monty python and the holy grail, but i was so exhausted from pledge project that I couldn’t stay awake for it!

and then sunday night, I went to versailles tonight with steven and had really yummy cuban fried pork. nothing hits the spot like really fatty, really really good cuban food!

and then TONIGHT, after I finish my paper, I will be seeing U2 at the Staples Center!! We have GA tickets, so hopefully HOPEFULLY we’ll get there early enough to get into the heart!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

discussing the merits of vegas with a friend who knows his way around the city of sin:

jadepearli (7:16:05 PM): refillable mug! [of ice blended alcoholic drinks]
nekdut (7:16:08 PM): that’s freakin’ awesome
nekdut (7:16:31 PM): you should get one next weekend :-)
nekdut (7:16:44 PM): everyone loves fat tuesday
jadepearli (7:17:10 PM): hehehe i’m tempted! but i’m not in vegas enough!
nekdut (7:19:00 PM): hah.. then if you get a cup.. youll have another reason to go back :-)
jadepearli (7:19:44 PM): lol
jadepearli (7:19:50 PM): that’s not a good reason to go to vegas!!
nekdut (7:19:56 PM): sure it is!

and another quote about fat tuesday:
B r u i n HT (12:48:20 PM): the best feeling in the world is to walk down the strip with a continuous buzz from a jumbo mug of fat tuesday!!!

celebrity encounter! abraham benrubi!

something I failed to blog earlier is my encounter with kubiak on parker lewis can’t lose. who knew he was a U2 fan??!! more on this later!

sidenote: http://www.fontguy.com/

I’m reading over my blog, and I’m noticing several things:
– I’ve been very sporadic in updating this. my apologies to those of you who bother to check regularly!! I’ve been really really busy lately. >_blake was involved in a motorcycle accident back in september. I found out yesterday that he passed away september 25th. Thank you to those of you who donated blood for him, those who sent him your prayers, and those who kept him in your thoughts.

My friend Cynthia and I went to see Special Goodness at the Knitting Factory last Thursday. Special Goodness is the band that Pat, the drummer for Weezer, is in. It’s his spiffy side project. Highlight of the night: making an ass of myself when talking to Pat after the show. Runner up: making an even bigger ass of myself to the lead singer/accordian player of SnMnMnM, the first opening act of the night. that conversation went like this:

lead singer: We really rock! like.. have you heard of the mighty mighty bosstones?
me: really? hey, cool! I dig them! wait, so what instrument do you play?
lead singer: I play the accordian, and this guy here plays the trumpet. sometimes i play the trumpet too…
me: really? you play the accordian?? hey that’s cool! like the counting crows!
lead singer [aghast look, clearly feeling misunderstood]: uhh..no. not like the counting crows.
me: [proceeds to try to save herself, but to no avail… conversation ends awkwardly.]

hehehe, but it was fun. I actually didn’t even catch their performance since cyn and i didn’t get there until special goodness’ last two songs. so… we basically paid $7 to hear two songs; talk to karl, the webmaster (third runner up in pearl making an ass of herself night); talk to the lead singer of SnMnMnM; and catch a glimpse of Rivers Cuomo just as I walked away from talking to Pat (DAMN!).

this weekend was also really awesome… go APHIO FALL FELLOWSHIP!! I’ll have to make a page for this later. :) it was so awesome.. we went to riverside and met up with chapters from all over california: UCSD, UCR, USC, Hayward State, Sac State, UC Davis, etc etc. Freaking cool.

time to study.

And focus isn’t dependent on what one might be doing: it doesn’t matter whether it’s biology or psychology or screenwriting or journalism. It is the loving, concentrated attention to matter at hand. I can make excuses all I want about how I wish I were a biology major, when what matters isn’t that they’re studying microorganisms (which I still find fascinating), but that they’re studying at all. I think that’s the thing I’m jealous of most of all. I’ve been looking for the focus, and the more I look, the more confused I get.

What I loved most about going to New York and my travels the summer after my sophomore year was the sense of freedom I suddenly felt. It was something as unremarkable as going to the supermarket and selecting a pear: just the fact that I could walk down to where I needed to go, that I could suddenly focus on myself and not fret about some odd roommate, whatever academic issues and what not, that somehow, it was okay to focus on myself and do what I wanted, and not feel tied to responsibilities, whether real or imagined. It was a scary thing at first, but with a little bravery, I got past my initial worries and relished in that freeing independence.

And since then… well, I’ve reverted to that fear… that bit of dependence on friends and activities of loved ones. I’m too afraid, and too desirous to love my friends and wanting their love in return, when depending on their love and fearing its loss is probably the worst thing for a person in the world. A person can’t love out of fear, and fearing the loss of love only makes it harder for love to happen. The love of my friends is not going to cause my success – that task is up to me.

… so I’ll need to put aside my fears and pursue my path. I’ve become dependent on others’ thinking, confusing myself and losing sight of who I am and what I want. And maybe like my experience in New York, I’ll be afraid at first. But when you’re free to do what you want to, and free to make the most of your life… well, there’s no better feeling than that.

I’m tired of writing about the people accomplishing this or changing the world in blahblah way. *I* want to make things happen too.

=)

whom do I trust?

the question comes at a tricky point in my life. I’m 21 years old, in my fourth year of college, and more than at any other other point in my life are my decisions going to affect where I go later on. and at no other point in my life have I really felt soo lost. I used to be so ambitious; now I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to turn to for help. I’m not happy with where I am, and I don’t know what to do to change that.

I’m so frustrated. I’m really scared. And no matter who might care about me, the decisions in my life are still mine to make. I’ve wandered around them for far too long, and dammit, it’s time for me to take control…

but where do I go? who leads me?

when it comes down to it, just me.

yet my question still lingers. who is “me”? and who’s to say I can trust this “me”?

currently spinning:
pj harvey – stories from the city, stories from the sea

several things have been going through my head:

have I (once again) pushed myself into the insubstantial?

I hate this. Am I a happy person with a down streak, or a down person with a hyper streak? I don’t know, I can’t figure it out, and I hate being regarded as someone in either extreme without some sort of regard for the other half. I am NOT some silly happy girl, no matter what I might seem. but the sad thing is that I’m also not the driven-motivated girl that I sometimes like to think I am. I guess I see myself as the driven-motivated girl looking for something to do. (“what’s worth my time?” she muses to herself as she types these words on the screen. “what can i devote myself to?”)

currently spinning: travis: good feeling

tired! sleepy! stressed! whee!!

since recovering from my debilitating illness last week, I’ve been out and about much more than I should or really wish to be.. but I’ve certainly had a lot of fun. I’ll put them down in list form before I forget!

– Saturday: Cal-UCLA game. we crushed them by a crazy amount. met up with a friend of my best friend from junior high. very surreal. more thoughts on this later!
– Monday: Saw Bush in concert at the Roxy, this tiny little club on Sunset. My friend Julie won tix on KROQ, and I was the lucky person she picked to tag along! We were close enough to have Gavin sweat drip on us. Julie was in the front row. She ended up on stage by the end of the night. She got Gwen Stefani’s autograph. Dave Matthews, Mark McGrath, and a bunch of other people were there too. More on this later! I have a setlist up if you want to see it.
– Tuesday: Travis at Universal Amphitheater. Another awesome awesome concert. I love Fran Healy. For a setlist, see here.

It’s amazing how social I can be when I need to study. Last night, I was supposed to be studying for a midterm today, but I ended up mostly chatting with my study buddies, both of whom were trying (although not very hard) to absorb the course material. I learned so much last night, and it wasn’t just about medieval history, oh no!

So we ended up talking about old friends, and the topic of one person came up somehow. (don’t ask me how! that’s why I said “somehow!”) This person was a good friend of mine freshman year, but for reasons good and bad, we don’t really talk to each other anymore. Anyhow, I discovered last night that there’s a whole bit of, how do you say, “dorm lore” surrounding this girl. She’d somehow picked up the nickname “Foot” — not just from one or two people, but I think her whole floor! More on this later…

… and now today is Thursday, and I have a midterm in a few hours. More updates later. Going to study now. Wish me luck!

I picked up a sickness this weekend. oooof….