Super coughy today.
I think I already had a bit of an itchy throat before going to vegas, but all those smoky lounges and recycled air did me no darned good.
Just finished doing a hand wash load of the shirt and bra I wore Saturday night. Hooray for washing out clubbing stink.
I’m thinking again about this writing-type-thing that I haven’t been doing for a long time. I’ve been writing in paper journals quite a bit recently, but nothing that I’ve published on the web. I got a lot quieter about publishing details from my personal life after I started seeing Jerimy. Part of it was because I was spending less time blogging and more time with him. But in some ways, it was a lot of self-censorship, because the things I would have talked about would have revealed some imperfection in my relationship, which I was already feeling shaky about. Looking back, perhaps some additional examination might have been a good idea.
It’s been nearly a year since I had The Talk with Jerimy. It’s been about 7 months since I’ve been down in Los Angeles. It’s been about 5 months since it was decided that it was definitely over. I’ve got about 4 months to go before my divorce becomes official.
(Is there faith in numbers?)
What a strange, strange year. What a strange, strange relationship. 2007 has been really odd to me so far, filled with a lot of surprising discoveries about myself, as well as about the people around me. I’m finally confronting a lot of things I didn’t like about my previous relationships (not just the one with Jerimy), and learning that dealing with something doesn’t mean you’re happy. I’m finding out that I can actually pass for a reasonably attractive person (not like HOT or whatever, but you know, ‘all right’), and that I probably could land a decently attractive fellow if I tried a little bit.
(Incidentally, a lot of the issues that the ex had a problem with in terms of my looks have kind of been resolved in the past few months. I have to say, I’m looking way better than I did a year ago. It’s amazing what a haircut, new skincare regimen, and some cute clothes can do for you. Not to mention practicing the art of tarting myself up. =p)
As is probably obvious, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to numb out the pain, trying to distract myself and put some distance between who I was now and then. Stepping back makes it easier to see things for what they were, not to mention make me feel better when realize how dumb I was, with the emphasis on ‘was’ rather than ‘am’. Small consolation, but I’ll take my breaks where I can get them.
I sometimes feel like I lost a ton of time (not to mention a part of myself) by being with Jerimy for so long. I also feel like I leave it as a marked woman, someone tagged with the title “divorcee†rather than some happy-go-lucky single gal. I wonder how much that will affect my chances for happiness in the end, if I can meet someone who is willing to get past that black mark and be interested in something more long-term than some fly-by-night hookup. Then again, I’m quite sure I’m not ready for anything serious now anyway… 0_o
Wow, I’m definitely rambling now. Time to help the cough and go to sleep.