to add a little to my midnight ramblings post…
i should probably clarify that i’m probably overreacting a lot, it was late at night, and i was probably on crack or something. and reading back, i guess i spent a good amount of time whining about friendster. so let me elaborate on what i was thinking…
my thoughts about friendster aren’t so much about whether people post or not or how they toot my horn or whatever, but rather… it just raised to me a lot of interesting questions when i was thinking about this stuff. back in senior year of high school, i wrote an essay for the san jose mercury news about how i felt like i was at a crossroads, starting college, and so forth. these people whom i’ve shared so much will basically pass out of my daily consciousness…
with enough time, are people forgotten?
i guess i’m just in such a questioning phase of who my real friends really are, and i feel terrible thinking that a lot of my friends from high school, whom i’ve always considered myself closest to, are just drifting away. we’re growing up, with different interests, different career plans, and different sensibilities of what each of us wants in our lives.
growing isn’t a bad thing.. it’s a necessary part of human existence. people *should* grow and think and learn from their experiences, as opposed to just ‘aging’ and getting old physically.
so… i guess my central emotion is fear. it’s the fear that i’ve taken for granted people in my life. it’s the fear that these people, having had enough of me, have finally decided to leave. it’s the fear that i’m a bad friend, have been a bad friend, and will forever be doomed to being a bad friend. and it’s also the fear that as it was, i might just have been a funny little blip on the radar for people who have been deeply impacting for me. it’s perhaps a fear of insignificance, in both my personal and career life.
so my apologies for my ranting the other night. i think i just let my demons haunt me a little too much that day. 0_o
hi pearl. we don’t know each other very well. to be honest, you’re a blip in my life and just as well as im sure im a blip in yours. we shared some moments but in the end nothing really solid coalesced and thats cool. i dont consider you a “bad” friend, nor do i believe there is anyone that considers you “bad”. a bad friend is kinda well…like an enemy. someone who works to the detriment of others, and you are certainly not like that.
if anything, i like to think of you as a colorful butterfly, mobile and all a-flutter, and way back when, you lighted upon the flower of my life for a period and then shortly thereafter flew away to other flowers and to your other friends. i enjoyed the color you brought to my otherwise stationary life, and i treasure the memory as i would any other friend.
one thing i do enjoy, however, on a semi-regular basis is your writing. :) i wish the very best in your life and marriage and friendship and whatever else life serves to you.