having a shitty day.
Aphio is a really wonderful thing, but I’m just not into it anymore. I went to a rush event tonight and I felt brittle and on edge and trying too hard to be perky and excited about things. and I came off worse than before because I’m not truly into it, and because i’m tired and feeling tied to doing things for something I wish I cared about more. Aphio is a great organization: its ideals are first rate, the people in it are the kind of wonderful folk who somehow have all found each other in this great organization, and there’s a lot of very positive energy. But somehow, I haven’t managed to get myself as caught up in it as everyone else. Maybe if I were actually closer to more of the people in it. I feel like I have working relationships more than friendly relationships with everyone. For me, Aphio is a task, not a pleasure. Aphio is not my social circle; it’s an added obligation for me.
I’ve met so many great people in Aphio, no question. It’s my own fault that I haven’t developed many of those friendships into something more.