I love my family. let me say that first.
I love my friends. let me say that second.
But dammit, maybe I don’t love myself enough. I’m clearly not showing enough love to myself to get out and pursue what I really want to pursue. But what is it I really want to pursue? Time and time again, it goes back to that art of the turn of a phrase. Writing.
You probably wouldn’t guess it from the stuff I have in this blog. I know, most of this blog is mostly ranting and whining and run on sentences, like this one, but I have a bit of a literary bent to me. I was an ASPIRING JOURNALIST back in high school, and more and more do I hark back to those days of wanting to do journalism. I was so inspired for a while, caught up in the joy of connecting with people and sharing the stories of people’s lives with the rest of the world. I saw a magic in online journalism, using sight and sound and words to tell a story in that much more depth and character. Journalism is a very human pursuit, one tied closely to the seemingly mundane and cheeky aspects of this thing we called life. It’s the human aspect that makes journalism worth doing, the stories we tell each other that tie us together and give meaning to our lives. I see it as a very noble and worthwhile thing to do.
If you couldn’t tell, I have a slightly idealized vision of journalism is. But yes, I am aware that it is very difficult. Writing in itself is a challenging task: finding the right words to convey the exact emotion, the right tone for the story, shedding just the proper light and understanding a thing the way it is meant to be understood.. well, it’s easy to cobble together a sentence or two, tricky to put together a meaningful yet compact paragraph, and a triumph to string together a truly high quality article. Journalism is very hard. It is very stressful, there are lots of deadlines, lots of really shitty stories to be covered, lots of terrible people to deal with — both in and outside of the office — and a fairly thankless job. It also doesn’t pay very well, depending on where you’re working. People are in journalism because they love it, not for the money. And, of course, there are the people who find that they no longer love journalism and feel stuck doing something they don’t like that doesn’t pay well anyway. It’s all the more tragic because it’s a field that most people need to pay their dues to succeed. Interning at crappy papers in remote location. Being an errands grunt for some faceless editor. Some people go along thinking this is for them, and at a certain point, after all the hard work, feel like they come up empty handed.
More and more, I’m realizing that this is a chance I’d be willing to take. I’ve already gone through my period where i’ve lost my love for the art, and still (maybe like a bad boyfriend) I keep coming back. One thing that’s stopping me (and I’m realizing this is a stupid excuse) is that i’ve been out of the loop for a couple of years and I feel like it’s too late to get back in the saddle. Well, screw it! I’m going to get back in and see what I can do. There’s no point in moping about what you can’t do.. you can only just go out and do it. I complain and whine far too much, and really, I just need to shut up.
So, if you folk know of any place that needs writers, feel free to give me a holler. I am looking for work experience, and this time around, there ain’t no backing down.