just a couple of years, and everything changes so much…
i went to my second aphio meeting this quarter! I don’t go very often anymore… didn’t go for a long time. I didn’t really feel like i knew anyone there, and those whom i did know, well, i never really developed very good friendships with them. It’s a shame because I think they’re all great people who are lots of fun to talk to in the “haha” way and the “hmm.. interesting…” way. But I’m boring! I just do school and bum around. :) I live a much more simple life than I did compared with even something as recent as just last year. I’m not running around to concerts every week. I’ve quit my jobs. I’m not going out and partying much anymore. My stories aren’t “omg, i got so trashed last night” ones, they’re more like, “Hey, I leveled my character in Neverwinter Nights! hyuk hyuk hyuk.”
Not that I necessarily mind. It’s just… different — different mindset, different kind of attitude, different ideas of normalcy and exciting-ness. And while I desperately miss my friends and all the people i used to hang out with, I think maybe something slightly quieter might be good for me. Although a good party every once in a while is always a good thing. ;o)
In some ways I feel a little bit old. After all, I’m a fifth year, I’ve got kind of a bad attitude now, and the same things that were so exciting and fresh and new to me two years ago just don’t seem so amazing now. Other things occupy those spaces these days. but I still remember a time when i thought it was high fun to run around in a 24 hour supermarket with a bunch of your friends and setting up a makeshift photo studio of beach toys and giant bags of dog food in Aisle 12 was pretty amusing. I still think it’s amusing, but it’s not as new and novel as I once thought it was…
so i’m feeling a little like i’m having a hard time relating to other kids who are going through what i did a couple of years earlier. That thrill of discovery. That sense of throwing your cares into the wind and throwing yourself into the nurturing arms of your friends. That sense of safety and vastness as you explore more and more parts of this new world opened up to you. It’s a singular experience, and it’s not one to be taken away from anyone. and I especially don’t want to be the one pouring cold water on another person’s good times. It’s their time to be free…
:) hooray for college.