Iistening to sappy love songs is a really dangerous thing.
I mocked the practice in high school, when sappy love songs were rampantly abundant. I rolled my eyes at an ex-boyfriend of mine who seemed to have an obsession with “love!” He listened to too many Sappy Love Songs, I decided. That was the problem! Kids in high school all had such glorious ideas of love, when quite honestly, it’s not so simple. This was my reasoning in high school. Love is grand, and maybe I was a *bit* of a romantic. But really. Listening to too many love songs gives one that foolish longing to have what that love song is about. There are lots of songs that put the other person on a pedestal too, and to be quite honest, that pedestal business always bothered me. Pedestals just mean there’s further to fall.
So why am I listening to Alison Krauss’s “When You Say Nothing at All” right now? I’m at home, in front of my computer, plinking away at the keys, and Alison Krauss is saying how amazing it is that you can speak right to her heart. She has a wonderful voice, light and airy enough to put a bit of a feather-ephemerity to the song, yet with enough timber to lend it strength. The lyrics are wonderful too! The romantic in me is hooked.
And then practical me comes chiding. “Losing yourself in music again. -cluckcluckcluck-” And what’s wrong with it every once in a while? It would be nice, yes?
So yes.. I’m thinking about him…
His ex called and demanded an all or nothing relationship.. and in the end he said nothing. But she said all the right things to tear him apart.
What does a person in my position do in a case like this? Yes, I do want to be the friend and help him through. At the same time, I don’t want to be the rebound. That’s a terrible place to be in! Look how I reduced my rebound boy in the entry before this one. Quite honestly, he was a really great guy with a lot of terrific qualities. He could be a really wonderful boyfriend to someone (which in fact, he is.. and I’m really happy about that, actually), but he just wasn’t right for me. It’s a crying shame really. Emotions and relationships, reality and desires don’t always mesh to form the happiest union.
… and I’m afraid that this guy and I might find the wrong kind of union. I’m not even sure if I really want a relationship, and how much I would really want to give/get out of it. Plus, do we really click? I think with time, I can grow more comfortable with him, but is the fact that I need to grow more comfortable with him really a good sign?
But.. it’s really nice being with him. I love the way he gazes at me, the way he touches my face with such tenderness, running his fingers along the places where my skin meets the hairline. He has a curious smile, and pretty blue eyes with large pupils. He’s got a little boy in him, the kind who runs up to you, tugs your pant leg, and demands a kiss.
Anyway. I don’t know if I should try to be his friend, if I should just stay away, or what. i’m worried that a friendship will go the wrong way and lead into something else. But I don’t want to blow him off and let him down as a friend.
Tricky decisions… Your comments are welcomed.